Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
