We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
