Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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