2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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