Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
