DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
