called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize