Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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