her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
