I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize