I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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