how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
