I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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