i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize