you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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