I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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