I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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