Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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