The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
