Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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