He felt like a one man threesome
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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