I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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