They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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