I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
