Someone shit on the floor
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
