The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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