It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize