If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You need a sexual gate keeper
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
