Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
