just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize