ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
