If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
