I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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