I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
