Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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