OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
