currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
