I love black thongs
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
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