Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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