"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
