I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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