Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
