this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
