Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
