I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's blow job season.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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