Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
