my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
