i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Even my vagina gasped.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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