It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
