You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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