Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
