I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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