dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize