I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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