What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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