Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
