i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
