I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
