I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
