dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
