don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
