I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize