This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
