can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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