Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
