i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
