My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
