I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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