Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
