Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The best revenge is premature balding
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
