she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize