We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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