One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
