I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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