Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
