when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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