That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
