I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
