Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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