How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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