His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
a search helicopter?!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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