Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
